I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
