you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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