I wish I only lived at night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
