The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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