Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
