me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
