I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
