:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
