it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
