8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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