im having a threesome with these popsicles
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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