Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
