Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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