what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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