You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
