I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
