mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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