I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
