You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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