did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
