Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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