I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
