This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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