at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
