i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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