I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
