you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
