you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
