Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
