we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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