whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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