i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
