I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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