i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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