i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
