how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You took a bar mat shot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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