is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
