Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
