Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
