There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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