she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
