I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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