eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
