You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
