i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
