we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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