there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
