My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
