First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
