coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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