I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
