1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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