I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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