you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you never un-have a 4some
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
