Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
