Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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